BURIED IN THE "BASEMENT:" When Good Films Go Bad

This Month: Dreamcatcher

Matthew Goltz
28 March 2003

(Spoiler Warning: The following article discusses major plot-points and "surprises" within the dramatic structure of the film reviewed. Read at your own risk.)

Stephen King, William Goldman and Lawrence Kasdan are three of the most prolific, powerful and admired artists in the literary and cinema worlds today. Among their works are such classic films as The Shining, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Misery, The Princess Bride and Grand Canyon. One would think that together these three could make not only one of the best films of the year, but possibly of all time. That is, one would think that until they sat through Dreamcatcher; which starts so strongly and goes so horribly wrong that it's amazing how during the entire production process of the film these movie-business titans never seemed to notice.

First Impressions...

The trailers for Dreamcatcher promise what looks to be a dark, suspenseful story of a group of people in the wilderness in winter (Forest Rangers?) who would seem to be running scared from, and even being possessed by, some sort of horrible unseen force...possibly an Evil Spirit. The narrator enlightens us as to the nature of the "dreamcatcher," a tribal talisman constructed of knitted twine and charms that is hung over one's bed and intended to trap one's nightmares while allowing good dreams to pass. But this time, the gravelly voice tells us, "evil...slips through." Quick shots of animals running through the woods and people spouting hard-edged battle jargon follow. Then we notice the cast: Morgan Freeman ("cool!"), Thomas Jane ("meh"), Jason Lee ("excellent!"), Damian Lewis ("who?"), Timothy Olyphant ("the Scream 2 guy?"), Tom Sizemore ("kick-ass!") and Donnie Wahlberg ("which one is he, now?"). All in all, the film looks to be a retread of John Carpenter's The Thing, but a good one by the looks of the cast and crew.

If it ain't on the page...

Admittedly, I've never read King's original book. From what I've been told the filmed version of Dreamcatcher adheres to the text somewhat faithfully. But as anyone knows, reading the literary source material isn't (and should never be) necessary for an audience to enjoy the film upon which it's based. However, the filmmakers should obviously read it, if for no other reason than knowing what parts to adapt and what parts to leave out. Kasdan has written or co-written most of his best work, including The Big Chill and Grand Canyon. Goldman has addressed his methods of adapting novels to the movies quite often. His books Adventures in the Screen Trade and Which Lie Did I Tell? are wonderful and educational pieces of work that demonstrate how the film business works, and how often even the best screenplay just isn't enough to keep a film from crashing and burning. Not that the Dreamcatcher screenplay is one of the best; it's littered with so many ill-advised choices that it in no way resembles the work of an Academy Award winner.

Things start very promisingly as the four friends are introduced (Jane, Lewis, Lee and Olyphant) and we come to realize they reluctantly share a sort of psychic phenomena; they can read minds, communicate with thoughts and even locate the lost items of strangers. The film gets points right away for showing the downside to such gifts and for treating the audience with respect by not giving too much away and letting the mystery of these powers intrigue us. Then suddenly, in another attention-grabbing moment, the friend "Jonesy" (Lewis) is involved in a terrible accident and we are immediately drawn totally into the narrative. Before we can even begin to imagine why and how this has happenned, we flash-forward to months later where the friends are together again (Jonesy made it through okay).

At a snowy mountain retreat in rural Maine, the boys have fun discussing their pasts, their abilities, pop culture and a mutual friend named named "Dudds." Jonesy even talks of a "memory warehouse," the part of one's mind where one stores old memories - - and it's wonderfully realized by Kasdan and his effects team. The next day the group separates. While Jane and Olyphant are off gathering supplies for the group, Lewis and Lee come upon a Stranger; a lost, freezing man with dramatic gastro-intestinal issues (leading to a minefield of scatological humor that is, at first, cute). Before we know it, The Stranger rushes to the bathroom, locks the door, takes his seat...and won't come out. Our heroes break down the door. The Stranger is dead, blood and red fungus cover the room and suddenly we realize that there is a terrifying alien monster in the toilet.

Yes, you read that correctly. An alien monster in the toilet. How did it get there, you ask? It burst out of The Stranger's ass.

This is where the movie exits the Sanity Turnpike and passes into Stupidville. And the rest of the film follows, in a chain of events that causes it to fail more spectacularly than even the average Van Damme movie. What was once a smart, involving and spooky picture degenerates into what could easily be described as "a Troma Team movie with a $70 million budget." What went wrong? Let's have a look, shall we?

Here's what might have gone down at Kasdan Pictures. Maybe Kasdan wanted to make a smaller, more personal film for Warner Brothers like The Big Chill or Grand Canyon. Maybe they said, "fine, if you do this Stephen King one first." Maybe he agreed, maybe Goldman got the call, and maybe the two of them sat down, had a few beers and set out to hatch the scam of all scams...

KASDAN
Dammit, Bill...This Dreamcatcher thing's got me by the balls.

GOLDMAN
Same here, but a paycheck's a paycheck. Yet, how shall we great cinema-minds make this assignment more agreeable?

KASDAN (shrugging, pacing to and fro)
I dunno. WB wants a mass-audience thing like Starship Troopers or Men In Black, but I don't know how to do this stuff anymore! I'm the Kevin-Kline-and/or-Costner-adult-drama guy now!! The research shows that younger audiences respond to pop culture references and watered-down shocks pretty well.

GOLDMAN (grinning, wringing hands)
Eureka! That's the secret! If it's cheap thrills and fart jokes the kids want these days, we'll give it to them in spades! That way, if the movie fails, it's not our fault... we 'll have done just what was expected! And we'll STILL get PAID! Heeee heee!! My script will leave no cliché unturned! We'll amp every little idiocy to the n-th degree and the audiences will eat it up...like...um...Nachos...covered in Belgian Chocolate...and heroin.

KASDAN (also grinning)
Did someone say...heroin?*

(* The author wishes to establish that the above is a work of fiction. Neither gentleman is being accused of abusing any controlled substances, candies or even Mexican foods.)

Of course, none of that ever happened (probably). Hell, if it were true I'd probably like the movie a lot more; you have to respect that kind of cold calculation and contempt for the youth market. But until they come out and admit it, the insanity and stone cold dumbness of Dreamcatcher's worst moments must continue to be considered simple-yet-numerous errors in judgement on the behalf of two usually-dependable filmmakers. Here's a handy checklist of the screenplay's "sci-fi dramatic elements."

Cliché Corner
1. Guys are Cool/Women are Dumb ____
2. Character Identification/Repetitiveness ____
3. Pop Culture References/Product Placement ____
4. Fart/Scatological Jokes ____
5. Phallic/Vaginal Imagery ____
6. Alien-to-Human Body Possession ____
7. Unstoppable Alien Killing-Machine ____
8. Abuse of Male Genitalia ____
9. Macho Military Jargon/Dialogue ____
10. Military Man goes Insane ____

"Wherez 'da Womens At??"

The majority of sci-fi fans and even authors would seem to be primarily male. Yes, the female of the species can often seem a mystery to your average Trekkie. More than Morlocks, Wookies, Terminators or Mutants, the dreaded "Woman" is perhaps the most elusive, inviting and even terrifying creature in town. Therefore, they would seem to have little place in a film like Dreamcatcher. And so it goes: It appears that there are only a handful of women in Derry, New Hampshire. They occupy none of the main character positions and exist only to thwart the advances of men (Olyphant's powers frighten off a potential dinner date), to arouse young boys (the four friends journey to see a naughty picture) and to serve as victims (random alien-virus sufferers, a missing young girl, etc). Morgan Freeman's character even goes so far as to refer to Sigourney Weaver's well-known "Ripley", possibly the strongest female sci-fi heroine ever conceived, as "the broad from the Alien movies."

There is the fleeting image of the elder caretaker of Dudds, a character without whom the world would end. She seems a serene and nurturing presence; but is ushered out of the film with great speed. With all the youthful immaturity and false male bravado, one can only wonder how the screenplay might've been elevated and enlightened if any one of the Four Friends or even the Military Personnel were women. Someone to speak some sense to the other characters, to save the false bravura posturing and maybe even speed things up by taking things into her own hands and cutting the film's narrative length by possibly a third. Most women, I've found, are far from the screaming buxom blonde seen in so many of your lesser sci-fi works. Most are take-charge and cut-the-bull types who can get the job done fast and efficiently. And besides...as any real male sci-fi fan can tell you - - there's nothing hotter than a strong, ass-kicking hottie with a gun.

"Could you repeat that...?"

In a film with so many lead characters, one can see how an author might feel the need to give his characters specific nuances in order to help the audience tell them apart. People are not cartoon characters, though, and having them repeat catch phrases over and over ad nauseum completely takes the audience out of the reality of the narrative and reminds them that they're just watching a movie. Case in point: As a general expression of shock, surprise and exclamation, Jason Lee's character utters the brilliant missive, "Fuck me, Freddie." Sure, it's crude and it gets a laugh the first time it's said. However Lee, and the young actor that plays his childhood ego in the numerous flashbacks, continue to yell "Fuck me, Freddie" for what feels like 30 times over the course of the movie. That may sound like a minor gripe, but try this experiment. Have a friend or loved one say it to you over and over for two hours and see how well you can take it. That is, unless your loved one is stunningly gorgeous and your name happens to be "Freddie."

These short cuts in character distinction cheapen the nature of writing. Goldman, a well respected screenwriter and author, knows how to create good characters. He's done it time after time. As stated earlier, I've never read the novel. If this particular nuance is in the original text, then I suppose one could blame King for originating it. But as writer of the screenplay, Goldman should've seen its weakness and thrown it out. And yet, in this current age of cinema where a film like the upcoming Malibu's Most Wanted starring Jamie Kennedy can be made, one can see how this happened. In the Malibu's Most Wanted trailer, Kennedy's character is a privileged caucasian who seems to think and/or wish that he were an African-American "gangsta." His wacky catch phrase is apparently "Don't be hatin'." (Ah yes, ebonics are always so hilarious when spoken by us whiteboys.) How do I know that's his catchphrase? Because it's spoken in the trailer three or four times and then is printed on the screen in fifteen foot letters. Granted, that movie is a "comedy" (though without laughs, apparently) and doesn't follow any kind of rules in logic. But Dreamcatcher would have appeared, at first, to be a suspense thriller...it was certainly marketed as one...and this sort of creative shorthand really has no place in a story where one is supposed to care for (and fear for the life of) an on-screen persona. The more we watch Dreamcatcher's lazy work, the more ridiculous it becomes and we end up laughing hysterically - - not with the film, but at it.

"Pop" goes the Culture

One cardinal rule of screenwriting is as follows; "unless you're writing a sequel or parody, never directly reference other, possibly better movies in the text of your own." Since Dreamcatcher is not a good film by any standard, then every movie mentioned by any character is a better one. Aside from the aforementioned Sigourney Weaver/Alien comment, an entire discussion is had about a little-known 80's flick called Promised Land with Meg Ryan and Kiefer Sutherland. Anyone seeking a real movie with real character should hunt that little gem down. When Dreamcatcher comes out on DVD, I think WB owes it to us to secure the rights and include the entire Promised Land film as a special feature, that way the price of owning Kasdan's piece of cinematic garbage might be offset a little. Later, Morgan Freeman's Military Madman sports an impressive pistol given to him, he says, by "The Duke" himself, John Wayne. This moment sends the movie into such a tizzy that the sheer audacity of the line gets a huge laugh, as it's meant to. I have a feeling it's supposed to jack up the tough-guy banter to an even higher degree. If only John Wayne had given Morgan's character any of his nobility, stoicism or even depth then maybe the second half of the movie might've been more interesting. Oh, and if you suspect that John Wayne's gun just might have some impact on things in a fight-to-the-finish sequence, then yes...you too are smarter than the movie is.

And in a particularly inane bit of cross-breeding, Dreamcatcher combines pop-culture reference with product placement in it's third act by having a major character, the leukemia-inflicted "Dudds" (Donnie Wahlberg) be obsessed with Scooby-Doo. As a child he carries a Scooby-Doo lunch box, as an adult, his room is wallpapered with Scooby-Doo posters and he totes a Scooby-Doo plush toy, and when Dudds walks calmly toward the Alien Menace in a moment of Deathmatch Heroism, he even warbles a pices of the cartoon's theme-song..."Shoobydoo!! We got some work t'doo now!" THIS is a battlecry??

These things stick out in a suspense film like a sore thumb. Then suddenly one realizes..."Hey, Scooby-Doo isn't just a cartoon... it's a Warner Brothers movie franchise!" Suddenly the walls around you start to melt, Morpheus removes you from your futuristic, wired, gelatinous body cocoon and you see that you're no longer trapped in The Matrix. (Oops, that's also a WB movie. This disease must be communicable.) This Scooby-Doo character definition, even more annoying than Lee's aforementioned profanity-speak, serves as self-propagated promo for another WB film and will now stand as one for years to come. Every viewer of this film on TV, DVD or the Internet will forever be forced to sit through what is, in a way, an extended commercial for the Scooby-Doo films. Though I haven't seen the Scooby-Doo movie, I'd be willing to bet that it might even be marginally more entertaining than Dreamcatcher. But then again, how could it not be?

The Human Body and You

Ah yes, the homo-sapien physiology can a beautiful, wonderous thing. But it can also be sick and nasty and make you want to throw up. Dreamcatcher revels in the latter. Not only is the film obsessed with the effects of Alien habitation within the gastrointestinal tract, but it discusses with great affection the moment when that inhabitant decides he/she would like to move out. As mentioned, Alien worm things burst forth from their victims' asses and they do so horribly and often. Their emergence is always foreshadowed by a great deal of stomach-holding, groaning and farting. And then "blammo," everybody gets the worst bit of anal-expulsion since poor Cartman in the pilot episode of South Park. One wonders if Kasdan and Goldman actually hired Trey Parker and Matt Stone as creative consultants.

PARKER
You know, Alien had creatures bursting from people's chests...Matt, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

STONE (blankly)
Yes, Master...Yes, Master...

KASDAN
Hey, you two! Stay outta my heroin!!*

(* Please see the aforementioned disclaimer. Thank you.)

Hilarious, yes. But this, again, is not supposed to be a comedy. It's supposed to be a terrifying bit of suspense. And it's not. It's ridiculous, it's insane, and the more Morgan Freeman goes on about "hunting these crap weasels," the more surreal things become. One can only imagine what kind of comedy genius this could've been if the filmmakers had gone to the limit with the concept. After all, there is a barn full of hundreds of people inflicted with the Crap Weasel Virus. Just think of the classic moment that could have taken place if they were all to start groaning, farting and exploding all at once. After all, that's what Parker and Stone would've done. And don't be surprised if I get ripped off and you see this exact scene on South Park soon. I certainly won't be.

Also, in accordance with this excremental obsession, we are treated to a flashback in which the boys (as children) first meet their friend Dudds, who has been stripped to his shorts by local bullies and is being forced to eat some nearby poop. (We're not sure where this poop came from, nor do we want to know.) Naturally, the hero kids come to his rescue. The childhood version of Jason Lee is most brave, though I can't remember if he yells "Fuck me, Freddie" or not.

As everyone knows, you can't make a major, mass-audience Hollywood motion picture without at least one painful groin injury. Kicks are most preferred, though Dreamcatcher gives us a particularly inventive scene. Olyphant is attacked by a roaming Butt Worm near a campfire . He is chomped on the groin by it...while urinating. ("Ooo, that's gotta hurt!") He runs, he screams, he spills his beer, but he'd also appear to have a masochistic streak a mile wide because in an effort to rid his johnson of this Alien Menace he tries to burn it off...by intentionally hurling himself weiner-first onto the campfire!! I know the film was intended as a Christmas release, but this moment is so unbelievably loopy that, at this point, the idea of hearing "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" on the soundtrack wouldn't have felt at all unnatural.

One look at the Alien Poop Monkeys (or whatever they are) makes one sit up and take notice as well. Imagine a long, rather shiny creature with a bulbous head and jagged teeth in it's vertical mouth. Yes, that's correct. It resembles both a penis and a vagina. It would appear that the creature-design team wasn't impressed enough by H.R.Giger's well-noted penis-inspired Alien design - - they wanted the best of both worlds for Dreamcatcher. While the image might not register with the less intellectual filmgoer, it does make your more astute viewer laugh out loud. With visions of hermaphrodite aliens bursting from colon canals, one has to hand it to the filmmakers for bringing us in the audience such a heart warming message of equality and inner love: "Be you male, female or both, everyone just wants a warm body to snuggle with for the winter."

Closing Thoughts

There's so much more "common cliché ground" covered in Dreamcatcher that this discussion could easily go on and on...

When Jonesy (Damian Lewis) is possessed by the Alien force, Kasdan chooses to display the possession/split personality by simply having Lewis turn his head in one direction while speaking in his human voice and another direction when displaying his Alien inhabitor...all the while having the Alien side of Jonesy's "persona" speak in an atrocious false British accent... At least, I thought it was a false one until I was told that Damian Lewis really is British. But hey, I'm sorry...when the Alien actually refers to someone as "Guv'nor" it sounds as fake as half the accents in Shanghai Knights. Aside from all of which, the whole choice of perfroming it this way seems, to put it nicely...stupid.

And naturally, the British Alien Beastie is an "Unstoppable Killing Machine." You know, that increasingly tired sci-fi staple of having the Alien/Cyborg/whatever need to get from Point "A" to Point "B" and showing him quickly annihilating every human in their way. In this film is the tired scene where he hijacks a logging truck, grinningly killing the Logging Truck Driver. Then we see that he doesn't kill the Logging Truck Driver's Dog, which is a big Hollywood no-no. Funny how you can graphically show dead, blood-covered, anally-ruptured victims by the pile, but offing a pooch is still verbotten.

The movie gets merits when we realize that the dog is in fact doomed, as Alien Man plants his Alien Seed into the dog to gestate into a Crap Weasel. But the movie loses those merits again because, lest we forget...the movie breaks another cardinal rule here: "If you put a logging truck in a movie, you'd better damn well be sure that logging truck flips over or something and somebody catches a log in the face." I mean, how hard is that to write??

The rest of the numerous dramatic problems of Dreamcatcher would take far too much time to really delve into here. What started out as a simple review has become a far-too-long-winded examination. This movie has not only stolen three hours of my life (it even started 30 minutes late at the show I attended), but even more time writing this piece. But work must be done and people must be saved from the menace of Dreamcatcher. After hearing me rake the movie over the coals recently, Filmbasement.com friend Rick Trottier told me I'd make a great salesman because I "took an obviously terrible movie and made it sound like a must-see." I thanked him, but must qualify that. Dreamcatcher certainly is a must-see, if you want to see a film so wrong headed, so pointless, so redundant and so mind-blowingly stupid that Warner Brothers felt the need to include an animated Matrix short, Final Flight of the Osiris, at the head of the film presumably to keep audiences from angrily demanding their money back. This 10-minute, computer-animated masterpiece is stunning and looks terrific on the big screen. Hold onto your money though and buy the animated Matrix DVD this June - - and if you simply must see it now then do the right thing and sneak in. There will be plenty of empty seats once word about Dreamcatcher gets out.

In closing, have King, Goldman and Kasdan simply made a horrible film, or have they intentionally made a statement on the nature of terrible sci-fi movies by constructing the worst one in years and serving it up happily to those foolish enough to buy a ticket, based on the most misleading trailers and advertising campaign ever? Why was the movie made to look like a suspenseful horror film with a great cast and crew, when it's really a comedic freakfest with little more on its mind than bodily function humor and sub-par character work? Why not just call the film Anal-ien or Dreamcrapper? These questions shall haunt me forever, or at least until someone owns up. When this movie hits the DVD market, I truly hope they include a commentary track. Hearing Kasdan, Goldman and/or any of the actors try to justify this trainwreck should be very entertaining. More so than the film, most likely. And as I leave you with images of Gender-Neutral Alien Ass Freaks exploding from your anal cavities, be sure to remember the following about the film Dreamcatcher...

Any movie with this much ass in it is definitely going to stink.

--MG