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Seagalwatch

Mark, Matt, and Tim
17 August 2004

First Mark brought us word earlier this month of Master Seagal's entry into the world of music - Songs From the Crystal Cave. Tim's response - "It will be mine."

Then Matt sent along some info:
"This week in Chinatown they had SS's Korean boxing picture, Clementine. I wanted to get it but was a little short on cash." Tim responded with some Clementine feedback: "According to one review of Clementine, 'The Formerly Viable Action Star Known as Steven Seagal has about a 10-minute cameo in the film, including (and this is by no means exaggeration) 2 seconds of screentime in the movie's first hour. Seagal returns (or is the correct phrasing "finally shows up"?) at the end to fight Kim in the illegal underground match to end all illegal underground matches. It's amusing to watch Seagal and his Aikido matching punches with the high-kicking Taekwondo trained Kim. It all leads to this conclusion: there is probably no two martial arts form that looks less convincing pitted against each other onscreen.'"
Says Tim - "I'm there."

Matt also sent along thoughts on some upcoming Seagal listed at the IMDb:

Into the Sun: SS versus the Yakuza!!
Untitled The Onion Movie: Huh? Whu? Guh??
Submerged: SS versus a Biological Mutant?!!
and weirdest... Under Seige 3... without Seagal. Muslim Terrorists on a Plane? Are we sure about this idea?

And finally Tim weighs in on what's sure to be a new destination spot on the internet, his new official site:

"Master Seagal has his own official site now, in case you weren't aware: stevenseagal.com
Much like his recent films, he's phoning it in on this one. It looks so cheesy with the little Matrix touch of turning the spinning letters into subsections of the site. It's like something a high school kid would do for himself. And the letters look so blurry too...it's sad and laughable. My favorite part is in the "Spirituality" section. You click on it and a hazy photo of Seagal on guitar pops up. And the interview question on the screen says, "There are recent reports that Penor Rinpoche has recognized you as a tulku. Is that correct?"
Laughing and crying, Tim

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